Prerogative

Two weeks ago when I joined the blogger community, the 'Blogsphere’, as I've learned is the proper epitaph, little did I know I was becoming a part of a new microcosm, ripe with its own engaging characters and real-life drama. You have blog rivalries…blog haters…blog biters…blog groupies…blog soap-operas…blog alliances. All ya’ll need is a president and you can form your own country.

Now you have to admit…from an outsider perspective, this shit is way, waaaayyyyy, outta control. It has a cult feel,…similar to that of Tahitian Noni International.

[Quick aside: Why do Noni hustlers sell their product as the world’s greatest panacea? You got ringworm? Drink some Noni. Cancer? Drink some Noni. HIV-positive? Drink some Noni. Addicted to Noni juice? Drink some damn Noni. LOL]

My freshman year in college, I was approached in one of my Composition classes by a girl inviting me to bible study. I had been warned during freshman orientation to beware of church cults, so the invitation sent up all sorts of red flags. Strangely, I’ve been getting a similar vibe from blogging.

Now, I haven’t yet familiarized myself with all of the blettiquette, so in order to be neighborly, I have been trying to do my part to visit blogs and comment wherever and whenever appropriate. I have some favorites, and I am truly grateful to all of those who have stopped by my blog for a read and left encouraging words. (Shout-out to Sarah, Ted, Yanielley, Leah, Lin, Key and others whom I only know by blog titles.) Unfortunately, there are too many blogs to keep up with. As a newbie to the bloggerhood, I’m having to play catch up, reading old posts so I can get a feel for personalities and writing styles. But by the time I have read up on one, I’m behind on everybody else…including myself. I am committing entirely too much time to this enterprise. However, I find it truly fascinating. It’s like people watching, only cooler. Like people watching with x-ray mind vision goggles. Yet, with all of the blogger sites and stereotypes I have come across, I still haven’t yet found where I fit in.

And I’m okay with that.

I haven’t yet grasped the concept of writing for my audience. Doing the Sambo-shuffle just to get a good readership. I like writing, but on my own terms. I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I’m writing to compete with other bloggers or to see how many comments I can get. Even though everybody knows that’s how you determine your own self-worth.

*kidding*

For some reason, people do things based on what others say they should instead of what they really want to do. We work in professions that afford us success, but that we find unfulfilling to our souls. At times, I’ve been guilty of the same offenses, but I know better. And I’m trying to do better.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few years comparing my success to that of others. I chose to start a family right after college while my friends went straight to grad school. Now they’re all career professionals and I…I’m…I am about 3 years behind where I would have been if I had made some different choices. And I had been very hard on myself about it. I’ve judged myself harder than anyone else ever could. I’ve allowed myself to be defined by what I thought other people thought I was supposed to be. But recently I’ve done some serious reflections on the things I place priority on in my life. And I realized that I have no desire to be an attorney, or live in London, or to be a Pulitzer winning author.

I’m about to sound like India.Arie right now, but I get joy from little things…from watching sunsets, from baking cookies, from big hugs and juicy kisses, from Sunday dinners at my mom’s, from swimming and sunbathing. I like quiet evenings and uncomplicated relationships. Despite the uppity exterior, I want to learn to change the oil in my car. I’m okay with being taken to Waffle House on a date (on occasions…not all the time). I prefer cottons to silks.

And I’m only comfortable with posting to my blog as the whim hits me.

So while I’m overjoyed, even ecstatic, that some people are enjoying my little ramblings here in the blogsphere, I can’t follow the throng. It may not be appropriate to only post once a week, but that’s all I can do.

Besides, think of it as alleviating the pressure. I’m merely giving you all more time to read all the daily bloggers and work on your own.

Check back next weekend.