FanMail

Dear Muse,

What the @#$%^&! man!? Where have you been? It's one thing to post once a week. I'm okay with that since you seem to be too stubborn to do better. But once a month?! Girl, you better post something or i'm'a hack into your site and post for you.

Signed,
Feenin' Computer Guy


Dear Feenin',

My bad, homie (and all those with the same sentiments). Things have really been pretty crazy on my end. I was travelling for two weeks straight and had minimal access to the internet. And while that is really the truth, it's an excuse. I have just had so many thoughts clogging my brain that it had become engorged worse than a new breast-feeding mother's tits. (I need to wear cabbage leaves on my head.)

I've been really upset about the Gulf disaster and its farther reaching implications. Obviously, race issues have been on my mind. But, you know, if I were homeless before Katrina, I'd be an angry bitch right now. I heard a radio station d.j. (more than one actually) say, "don't bring your old clothes down here for donations. Go buy new clothes or bring gift cards. These hurricane victims are proud people. They're not like regular homeless people..." I wanted to go down there and slap someone. What is a regular homeless person? I just get so pissed by people who are so class concious that they neglect others because they don't see themselves as connected to the problem. We have to stick together. I don't know how we'll be better as a people (a human race) unless we start to show some solidarity.

Martin Luther King said that "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny." If we don't start to see that one person's suffering is also our own, we will never grow. We can never be better. I just don't know how one goes about creating that kind of awareness, though. That's revolutionary thinking and people are afraid of change. And like most people my age, I don't like to wait for change. I like to see immediate results. But you can't fix 100's of years of shadow bondage, mental incarceration, in a day or a year. It takes many life times to change people's hearts and minds.

And when I see people like John Roberts sitting in confirmation hearings for the supreme court, I wonder if we will ever know justice or peace or freedom when the system that is made to protect our civil liberties is so inherently flawed. *sigh*

But other than that, I've been good. Thanks for asking.



Dear AM,

Whatever happened to that guy your were digging a few weeks back? Is he still around? Did he forgive you for being so crazy?

Curious Kat


Dear Nosy Feline,

If you must know... The guy from August and I are pretty much a done deal. I don't think I was what he was looking for. Strangely, though, I was exactly what he needed. I think people come into our lives for very specific reasons. I was so concerned about trying to figure out what he was to me, I did see that I was placed in his life to help him realize some things about himself and no the other way around. Soon after our visit, the communication came to an abrupt halt. We still chat every now and then, but nothing like we used to. But I think I made a strong impact on him. And I still think he's great.

On a more promising note, I've started dating again. Like, for real, dating. I have few guys around who are keeping me company, although in none of them do I see a future right now. See, I need to find somebody with vision. I am truly a work in progress and if I meet someone at this point in my life, he's gonna need to be able to see past some of my current situations to realize the masterpiece. The guy from August, I think, lacked the foresight to see the finished product and turned his nose up at my half blank canvas. I need someone who knows that in white spaces lie abundant possibilities.

I had planned on using the fall to "get right." My daughter is spending the month with her dad in Long Beach, so I've finally had a chance, for once, to have some me time. I wanted to work out, go clubbing, get my freak on.

I've done very little of any of those things.

I've been working late, so most of my time is spent in the office. Dating has been consistently infrequent. And my personal trainer is one of those that I'm dating, so when we do, on the rare occassion, have a chance to get together, our plans to go running or lifting are replaced with cardiovascular activities of another kind. Now, we work out almost never, because he thinks that I'm fine enough and that the "little baby fat" that I have can be sweated off in the sauna. Sounds like he's trying to game me up.

Too bad it's working. ;)