Broke

"One day I'll look back on these times and laugh. But right now...the shit's not funny."
AM 1998-2005 (almost daily)


I never came from a family of money. But, we weren't poor. We lived in a real house with a backyard. Both my parents had cars--nobody was riding MARTA to work. Our lights and phone were never cut off. We never had food stamps, nor did I know what a food stamp was.
BUT!...when we got money to go shopping for school clothes, we got $100...for the year (but not including Christmas). We always had lunch money, but on many occassions, it was $1.35 in dimes and nickels, transported in a plastic sandwich bag. My mom would spend $300 on groceries in one trip...but the food had to last the entire month. When it was gone, it was gone. I went without glasses for about two years longer than I should have because I had braces, and some how there was an unwritten rule that no two kids in our household could have the same ailment at one time. My sister got the glasses, but her teeth are jacked up 'til this day.

Do you hear that?...the tiniest violin playing in the background...?

Okay...so as I'm reading this, it sounds much worse than it was. We really weren't poor. We just didn't have any extra. So when it got time for me to think about which colleges to apply to, a very strange pain came across my mother's face when I told her that I was applying to Princeton. I had straight A's, a 4.0 GPA...I was in every club, and despite my lack of athletic ability (I have no hand-eye coordination whatsoever...I can't even play videogames), I added sports to my Curriculum Vitae by managing the basketball team. I knew I'd be fine. So I bought myself a plane ticket to New Jersey to visit the campus, a ticket I might add, that was purchased with the proceeds from my blood, sweat and tears at Chuck E. Cheese, and crossed my fingers that I'd meet Toni Morrison while there. Unfortunately, my mom cared very little about all my excitement about attending Princeton University (my dad cared not at all) and popped ALL my little bubbles, saying "you know...we haven't saved ANY money for you for college. Sorry."

there goes that violin again...

I was pissed at the time, and all I could think was..."one day money will not be an issue like this...it will get better..."

Cut to college, where I was studying English at Florida A&M University (faaaam-u, faaaam-u, faaaam-gotdam-u...alright, alright, alright...), on a full academic scholarship, but still struggling. Everyday I prayed, "God, please let things get better. One day I want to look back on this time and laugh, but right now...this shit ain't funny." After college, it got no better. I was mother to a newborn baby; her dad was trying to break into the entertainment industry in Los Angeles and not working consistently; and, I was stuck trying to financially keep my family together. Times was hard, I tell ya'. But recently, I took a position that I see is really going to allow me to be financially in a much better place and to be in a position of influence. The money ain't great just yet...but it looks like there will certainly be some much brighter days ahead. So now I can look back and see the comedy of the last 8 years of my life. (Wow...that made me sound old!) As things are getting better, I guess the shit really was funnier than I'd like to admit.

My list of experiences being poor and down-trodden that could one day be material for a sitcom.

1) Juanita does Arby's: I worked at Arby's at home during the summer, so when they rebuilt the one in Tallahassee, I was a shoe-in. I worked the drive-thru and entertained myself by talking to the people in the speaker with my best impression of my favorite spanish instructor, la puertoricana Dra. Trujillo. I have scars to this day from the slicer and the fry lamp.

2) Peter Cottontail: Because of my work at Chuck E. Cheese's, I had experience with character suits. It may sound funny, but how else would I have been able to be The Easter Bunny at Governor's Square Mall? Sadly, I was fired for a failure to show up to work. It turns out that I did not have enough gas to get me to work...not even enough for the car to start. I didn't have a dollar so I couldn't take the bus. And, I didn't even have $0.35 to call work and tell them I couldn't make it. I kept thinking how sad it was that I lost a job over $1 when there are people who drop $20,000 in a day on a purse (shout-out to Kimora Lee Simmons). The worst past was that it was payday.

3) Singing for my supper: I love to sing. I love music in general. So when I was approached with the opportunity to sing lead for a band, I jumped at it. We performed old blues standards and newer jazz and contemporary hits (Ella Fitzgerald, "Pick Up The Pieces", "Cantaloupe Island"). I thought it was great. But somehow, the crowd in little Quincy, Florida wasn't feelin' us all that much. There were 4 guys in the band. We rehearsed 3 nights a week until 2 or 3 in the morning. Our gig was every Sunday night. So when we got our $50 check at the end of the evening, split 5 ways, all we had was enough for a meal at IHOP. If you didn't get a drink or leave a tip, you had $3 to take home.

4) Door-to-Door: I sold high quality knife sets door-to-door. Just the thought of some stanger coming to your door with a butcher knife and a pair of scissors strong enough to cut a penny into a corkscrew sounds dangerous. I think the general public thought so too, because after buying the $200 sample set, gas and additional daycare expenses, I think my net income was $-120. I did make the week's highest sales in our store once. $800 in knives and accessories. The poor saps. (Hi, Mom!)

5) Homeless: I was almost evicted from an apartment because my scholarship money from the school was 8 months late. I was a full-time student and working 3 part-time jobs but still couldn't keep up. My apartment manager came to my house one evening at around midnight, throwing things at my door, demanding that I get out, threatening me, and telling me his kids would starve because of me. I moved before they could officially start an eviction process. I stayed with a girl in my classes whom I didn't know very well, but who was very nice. She let me sleep on a mattress in her computer room for 3 months. We almost killed each other, but are good friends to this day.

6) Good eats: I was in really good physical shape in college mainly because I either didn't have time to eat or enough money to eat. Freshman year I ate Tuna Helper every night of the week. Now the smell of it, even the sight of the box makes my stomach turn. By junior year (when I was working at Publix, on campus, and singing at the club, my lunches consisted of a coke and a snicker's bar and dinner was hot tea and toast. Oh, yeah!


So now, I can look back at these times and chuckle. (I won't laugh b/c I'm not out of the woods yet... Credit repair is a beyotch!) But I'll tell ya, at the time...that shit was NOT funny.