On Hustlin' and Midgets

I have all of these things I could write about from my October from HELL, but seeing as how I don’t post so often, it would take me ‘til, like, 2007 to get them all out. By then it’ll be old news, so I’ll be very selective. Also, I thought it best to start you off with a light and airy story, seeing as how I left you with the pissed off deity vibe for a minute.

And Okay. I know. You don’t have to say it. I’m well aware that I have been M.I.A. the entire month of October. My bad. But I have a good excuse.

Well…two good excuses.

Part of my break from blogging has a large amount to do with the fall-out associated with my last post. I just had the wind knocked out of me. Literally. I got all puffed up thinking I was something special and just got my feelings hurt. But I’m good now. Humbling experiences build character.

The other reason…the main reason…why I’ve been gone is because duty called. I have been bustin’ my hump…working 80 hours a week or more, trying to be the model employee. I’ve been traveling with my job doing events all over the country this month. I actually got back last Sunday but I needed a mental break.

I have determined that my boss is a paranoid schizophrenic (if only I were lying!). And, the girl who left our organization, whose job I was doing in the interim, announced that she had OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and was unhappy because she thought that people were talking about her. (Wait…is this high school?) Added to that DRAMA, our last event, which went very well from a spectator standpoint, was described by the producer as “half a train wreck.”

So needless to say, I was drained and needed to recover. But,…

I’m baa-aack!

I spent the first week of October in Los Angeles. City of the stars. And, if you ever go to L.A. and want to meet celebrities…I meet A LOT of celebrities, I have discovered, it’s all about where you stay. And Hotel IT is called The Standard. This hotel was cool as hell. Ultra posh. Super chic. Hella freaky. A clear glass wall separated the shower and the bedroom, so you could totally get your voyeur on. The mini bar was stocked with liquor and condoms. And I kept thinking…why did someone book our business accommodations here? But I didn’t complain too much. There was a club in the roof that I found out was the spot. Among my star sightings were Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyra Banks, Sean Patrick Thomas, Christopher B. Duncan (from Jamie Foxx Show) and some random guy who said he was the producer for New Edition. He got mad because I didn’t recognize him from VH1 Behind the Music. (Uh…get over yourself already)

Now with my job, celebrities come out to do our events. There I met Della Reese, Lorraine Toussaint, T’keyah Crystal Keymah (a fellow Rattler…hisssssssss), Louis Gossett, Jr. and Magic Johnson.

Brief aside: I was a little concerned about Magic Johnson at first. Do you remember when he used to do commentary for NBA games? I remember thinking, “What did he just say?” He had this major speech impediment. So I was truly expecting the same thing. But he surprised the heck out of me. I was blown away. Erving Johnson (as he didn’t want us the call him Magic) has been transformed into this really phenomenal inspirational speaker. One time for speech therapy.

When I was in Chicago, I had a few sighting too. The only on-the-street sighting was Spike Lee. It was actually a riding-down-Michigan-Avenue sighting. I saw him in the car next to us. But how do you get a celebrity to roll down his window so that you can just waive and say “hi”?

Uh…you don’t.

My friend and I let little ol’ Spike Lee just ride on by us after the light turned green.

At our event in Chicago, I met Angela Bassett (who is actually extremely shy and reserved). Did you know she was married to Courtney Vance (Law & Order SVU)? That seems like a very odd coupling to me. I saw Lynn Whitfield too, but I didn’t recognize her until after I helped her to her seat. I knew she looked familiar, but in the movies, she always has her hair pulled back so her eyes look slanted, like the ponytail holder is too tight. I still think she’s amazingly beautiful.

And you know what I’ve determined from all my sightings?

Movie stars are really, Really, REALLY short. And skinny. They’re like anorexic midgets. Wait. Midgets is not politically correct. Anorexic Little People.

Oh yes….and in September when I was in Chicago, I met R. Kelly at Chili’s. I don’t think I mentioned that before. But the whole occurrence was suspect. He was coming out of the restroom. And he had been in there for 20 minutes. With 3 other dudes. Things that make you go hmmmmm…. But he was very nice.

And wouldn’t you know it…I forgot my camera. (But I promise I’m not making it up. I have co-workers who can corroborate my story.)