Measuring Up

It is 12:34 AM, and I am up blogging. WTF?!!

I need to be sleeping. I have a horribly busy week coming up. But you bloggers are so damn prolific. I tried blogging at work, but I found that I have become terribly unproductive. I tried blogging after work, but my daughter lamented, "Mama, you're always on the computer!"

I've started to feel guilty about not blogging more frequently. I feel like I'm missing something. Like I'm not getting the full effect of the experience. I thought about quitting and just becoming a lurker but the word just sounds kinda scary. Sorta stalker-esque. Plus then I thought that I would be a quitter and I can just hear the name calling and see the razor blades flying. I'm feeling the pressure. Pulling at the strands of my hair, racking my brain trying to think of what to write about next. Thinking that even if I wanted to do this everyday, I'm not sure that I could. I'm feeling inadequate.

What makes it worse is that I miss out on everyone else's blog. I get around to reading hours or days after everyone else, so I miss out on the rap battles, the heated debates, the comment blogging. I feel like I'm being a rude host to those who visit my site who post comments. I feel like I should be commenting to them in my comments, but then that's like blogging too, so I might as well just post to my freakin' blog, but then....well you see my dilemma. *cut to me looking wild eyed and crazy as if I were a Starbucks junkie*

And I love reading everyone else. I read all these great topics about current events and introspection and calls to action and music and just plain ol' funny for no reason posts and I get so caught up that I find myself either spending way too long doing this or blogging in other people's comments. I think I just need to be the TRACKBACK BLOGGER because I feel like I'm much more creative in response to others than on my own. And that's another thing...I read many of my posts and think...now that was not good writing...and I wonder if anyone is reading. But then I get these awesome comments and think I must be doing something right, but what do I know! *cut to me exasperated and frazzled...twitching a little*

Here's a good question:
WHERE THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE WORK?!!!!!!

The only reason I can read and write as much as I do now during work is because my boss is in Chicago and I haven't hired an intern yet. (Btw, the organization with which I work was featured in Jet Magazine...the one with Rosa Parks on the cover...just in case you were interested). I have a system to my daily reads: There are those that I read in the morning when I first get to the office(Ted, Mia, Beloved, Bulletproof Diva, DJ Diva), those that I read on my lunch break (Leah, ManNMotion, Amadeo), and those that I get to either after work or when I need a distraction during the day (Eyeneye...my long lost cousin, Faith, Marquis, Clueless, Mack, Midlife Crisis). But there are those who I wish I had time to visit or revisit. Like Kajuana...the first post I read rubbed me the wrong way, but I have just never gone back. No reason really. I would like to try again...she gets SO MUCH love, it's gotta be good, right. Then Jia. She is RAW. I like it, but it made me feel dirty. LOL Kinda reminded me of myself in my younger days. I like Panama's blog...ALOT...but I have only been there twice. Again, no reason. I like Xquizzit too, but the same deal. How do you read everyone? HOW DO YOU GUYS DO THIS?!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *curling up in a ball on the floor, whimpering*

*regaining composure*

It's late. I'm obviously sleep deprived. I'll see you all in the morning.